Call Your Elders: We’re Going to Be Okay

Zahir Janmohamed (ZJ): I’m Zahir Janmohamed…and this is Call Your Elders…a special segment from A Better Life? A podcast from Feet in 2 Worlds.

In this series, we’re speaking to immigrant elders about what challenges they have faced in the past, what brings them joy in this moment, and what advice they have for the rest of us.

Rosalind Tordesillas is a Philippine-born radio producer. She came to the U.S. in 1989.

Rosalind Tordesillas (RT): Since my husband Jake and I settled in New York, Tita Margaret and Tito Archie have been our closest relatives. But when they came over from the Philippines in the ‘70s, they didn’t realize they’d end up planting a stake in New York for their clan.

Tita Margaret is 72 now. After decades in the city, she and Tito Archie moved to a seaside town two years ago. I wanted to hear her story of coming to the United States.

Margaret Gomez: We were just 23 years old. We didn’t know how scary it was because we just weren’t attuned to the scary parts. We were attuned to the — the promise of our lives together. That was what really, um, pulled us forward and, and also the optimism for what, what could be possible.So we got here on a Saturday. I’ll never forget. And Tito Archie went out to get the paper and he comes back and it’s like a foot tall! [Laughs.]

Rosalind: [Laughs.]

Margaret: The New York Times was like, my God, it was like a mattress!

Rosalind: [Laughs.]

Margaret: And he plunks it down — we were staying in a hotel — and he plunks it down. And we’re like, “Oh! You know, like, oh my God, all this is happening in New York. Wow! ” There was a big thick, classified ad section. And, um, you know, we had read that that’s where you went to look for jobs.

Rosalind: In Jake’s family, you were kind of like the forerunners, right? You’re the first people in their family to sort of open the way into, into New York. And so when we got here, we were kind of looking to you…

Margaret: Oh wow.

Rosalind: …gaining from your experience. And you sort of introduced us to, to the city and to life here. I remember there was this restaurant, America. You remember that?

Margaret: Oh yeah. [Laughs.]

Rosalind: [Laughs.]And it seemed like everyone who was new in the city, you would take them there.

Margaret: It was downtown in the Flatiron district…and it was cavernous. It was huge! And it was painted with idealistic, um, American, um, posters. Huge American flag. Sweeping plains of dairy land with cows and the Statue of Liberty with flags all over and stars shining on the floor from these spotlights that actually beamed down starlight on the floor as you walked in. And, uh, when you, when you came in to the restaurant, they would greet you and they would say, “Welcome to America!” [Laughs.] It was wild! And we loved it so much.

Clip: “America is now the epicenter of the coronavirus pandemic.”

“America has passed the grim milestone of 20,500 deaths to overtake Italy as…”

“200,000 empty chairs were set up on the Ellipse this weekend, each representing ten people…”

Rosalind: What’s been the hardest part of this for you?

Margaret: In the very beginning, what was really terrifying was that, um, we didn’t know where it was coming from, the, um, the virus. That it could come anywhere and from anything and everything.

It is impossible to explain the panic that we felt…it kept on magnifying, we were engulfed with, uh, with a…a fear of being helpless…not knowing how to really take care of our — ourselves. And I thought, you know, we have to be strong for each other and more so, I thought I’ve got to command myself so that I don’t drive Tito Archie down.

Rosalind: Was that a first for you, just sort of really feeling out of control? Is that something you’ve not experienced before?

Margaret: We have experienced it, actually. During 9/11. You know, that was really, um, perhaps the most terrifying prior to this. Um, you know Tito Archie was in the building and made it out. So, um, that stayed with us and it’s still with us nonetheless.

But this was a very different experience. It was like something’s coming in and it’s going to take over my health. And, uh, versus a bomb is going to explode and we’re going to be blown to smithereens.

Rosalind: You’ve seen New York come through really bad things, right?

Margaret: Yes.

Rosalind: This pandemic…it was really hit hard. Do you have a response to people who think, like, this is the end?

Margaret: Yeah, when we went through the worst of times for us during the horrific fear that engulfed us during 9/ 11 and wondering if we’d ever see New York come back…New York was on its knees. New York was decimated. People were leaving. People were cursing New York. Some people don’t even realize what 9/11 was…they read the stories about it, but did they feel, like, a dagger in their heart that reached in and extracted their, their, their entrails? I mean, no, but that’s how we still feel about it!

And we were even wondering if we had to leave then. But we always wondered about what would happen next. You can carry that thread through New York’s…the spirit that crashed…lifting itself back up, lifting the people with it, and the people striving to make it even better. And then crashing down again with new people. Many people have left….but I remember standing in the area by Grand Central, all the fresh-faced people coming out, the kids coming out from the subways. That’s a whole new generation of brand-new New Yorkers all over again.

And I think about…who am I to be jaded about New York? When it’s kind of been, kind of been like this hydra. Kind of beat it down. Another head pops up, another head pops up, and 50 heads pop up, and there you go. We’re brand new again.

Rosalind: With 9/11, you know, you did go through, like, a really horrific time of it and…things were really dire, but…did you, at some point say, you know, we, we survived that? We’re going to be okay?

Margaret: I think I utilized compartmentalizing. Making little chapters of the horrificness, and if I could say, okay…we finished that chapter and, um, it’s still bad. It’s still sad. And there are so many deaths, but somehow, we’re still here…to not take a broad brush and say, “Everything’s horrible. I can’t, I can’t breathe now.” You know, it’s like…it’s more about, okay, little chapters, and we close that chapter and we open a new one so that the stages of, of horror and, and the pandemonium in my heart and in my mind are quieted. Knowing that one chapter is complete.

Rosalind: Last time we were talking about those old pictures…are you doing a lot of that lately? Looking at old pictures?

Margaret: I have ambitions to, uh, string some photos together and see if I can create some art from that. I’m taking, like, a photo diary of things we observed. As spring moved from the winter, the shadow patterns changed. And now we’re noticing that it’s getting darker earlier. And so that’s a chapter.

Our little photo diaries help us ‘cause we look back and we say, “Wow, look at this. Remember how we were feeling at that time? I don’t feel that anymore now. I have new concerns, but not those.” And those really heavy duty, all-engulfing, dark, blanketing emotions…they’re not here right now. You know, I’m afraid to say it ‘cause I don’t want to call them back into existence again. You know, it’s like, “No, don’t come back!”

Rosalind: [Laughs.]

Margaret: [Laughs.] But, um, yeah. Knock on wood. [Knocks.] You know? It’s been, um, chapter by chapter.

Rosalind: Is this a new realization? ‘Cause it’s a new challenge?

Margaret: What it is is a deeper, um, experiencing of what I have been learning all along. My parents used to talk about the time before the war and after the war. And then we used to talk about before 9/11 and after 9/11, and now we’re in the pandemic and I wonder…how are we going to talk about life after the pandemic and what, uh, what part of that can I be living now? What is the future that I want to create and support people through and help them see…the majesty of what can be possible?

ZJ: That was Rosalind Tordesillas speaking with her Tita Margaret. While waiting out the pandemic, Margaret is focusing on hopeful signs from nature, like how happy the birds seem these days.

Next week, please join us for the final installment of A Better Life?…a podcast from Feet in 2 Worlds exploring how Covid-19 is making many immigrants rethink their ideas about the promise of this country.

We want to hear from the immigrant elders in your life…how are they doing? And what’s bringing them joy in this moment?

Reach out to us on social media and tell us how you’re staying connected to them.

This episode was produced by Rosalind Tordesillas. It was edited by Mia Warren…she’s our executive producer. Our audio engineer and senior producer is Jocelyn Gonzales. Our assistant producer is Anna Dilena. Our intern is Kenny Leon. Our development coordinator is Alejandro Salazar Dyer. Our executive editor is John Rudolph.

And our theme song was composed by Fareed Sajan.

I’m Zahir Janmohamed.

John Rudolph (JR): Call Your Elders and A Better Life? are produced by Feet in 2 Worlds. For fifteen years, Feet in 2 Worlds has been telling the stories of today’s immigrants and advancing the careers of immigrant journalists. Our supporters include The Ford Foundation, the David and Katherine Moore Family Foundation, the Ralph E. Ogden Foundation, the J.M. Kaplan Fund, The Listening Post Collective, an anonymous donor and listeners like you. To support our work, visit us at abetterlifepodcast.com. Feet in 2 Worlds is a project of the Center for New York City Affairs at The New School.